The Silence is Deafening

Have you ever just walked through a season of life where everything hurts? Everyday you get out of bed and it feels like the world is out to get you, you feel like when you actually wake up and muster up the courage to do something with your day you fall flat on your face and seem to screw everything up. That’s been my life the last few weeks, the last few months. If I’m really honest, I’m sick of it. I’m sick of feeling empty all the time, sick of wanting to do nothing except for sit in starbucks and attempt and get a fresh feel for who God is. I’m tired: emotionally, physically, spiritually. To top it all off I start summer school on Tuesday. I’ve been learning a lot through this season, which is funny because the way in which I’ve been learning these new lessons is completely different from my preconceived notion of how I think that God should teach me (Imagine that!). God is funny like that..He is bigger than my ideas! He even tells us in scripture that His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways. So for that, I’m thankful. I’ve been really leaning on worship music lately, I don’t usually listen to secular music anyway, but in this seemingly all too familiar season of emptiness its been hard for me to find words to say how I feel so listening to other people’s words has really helped me. This song by Shane and Shane is one that has been on repeat because it not only is my prayer, but describes my heart condition–It’s called “Faith to Believe.” (I tried to find a video but it is so new there isn’t one out yet!)

Give me the faith to believe You
When I’m stuck here in my fear
Give me the strength to trust You
When my vision’s blurred by tears
Give me a hope for tomorrow
Cause today has gone so wrong
I’m on my knees
Give me the faith to believe

Even when I cannot see You
You’re still shining, You’re still shining
Even when I cannot hear You
You’re still calling out my name
Even when I cannot feel You
Your arms are open
Always holding on to me
Give me the faith to believe

You say You’ll never leave me
That Your love will conquer fear
You say Your day is coming
When You’ll wipe away my tears
Give me a hope for tomorrow
Cause today has gone so wrong
I’m on my knees
Give me the faith to believe

Won’t You give me the faith to see the invisible
Give me the faith to believe the impossible
Give me the faith to receive the incredible
Oh give me the faith to believe it
Oh give me the faith to believe it

Even when I cannot see You
You’re still shining, You’re still shining
Even when I cannot hear You
You’re still calling out my name
Even when I cannot feel You
Your arms are open
Always holding on to me

Throughout these last couple of weeks I mentioned God has been giving me new eyes to see the lessons He has to teach me. I’ve been really loving the sweetness and patience He so abundantly gives. I’ve felt like He has been silent through a lot of it but it wasn’t until the other day when I listened to a sermon that explained how most of the time God does His most intimate works in us when He is silent. He’s moving–always. Speaking? Maybe not. He spoke the world into place. God’s words form things. They form nations, they form DAY AND NIGHT. But in the creation story, when God created Adam, He was silent. He formed Adam. The one thing that God made to walk in relationship with Himself wasn’t spoke into being, it was formed. When Jesus was crucified, He was silent. He didn’t fight back. He didn’t accuse everyone of being liars or the government of being corrupt–Jesus redeemed me when He was silent. That fact held so much power in my heart. Yeah, I may be in a place where I feel like God is doing more of messing up my life than building anything incredible–but I know that I’m wrong. He’s building me into a beautiful, glorifying masterpiece that He intends on looking at and using Himself. So for God’s work in my life: I will wait. For His promises to come to pass: I will wait. For His will to be done: I will wait. For this season of emptiness to pass: I will wait. I will wait for all of this because it is worth it. I’ve given my life to the King who stooped low to serve me, love me, die for me. He is worthy.

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