Yesterday I got daisies from God. No, they weren’t shot down from the sky in some majestical manner; I got them from my local chickfila. You see, my chickfila in my hometown has these little vases with two to three cute little daisies on every single table. (Sidenote: I’m obsessed with daisies). Anyways, I saw these daisies in two big cups yesterday and come to find out–they were the extra ones! So as I dreamt of having these daisies, a friend of mine opened his mouth and asked for them. End of the story: I got the daisies. Two GIANT cups full of daisies. I really believe that God gave me them. He is such a faithful pursuer. Even at the end of an emotionally draining day, God still was woo-ing my tired heart.
Let me back up a bit. The last week has been a learning curve ball from God. How so?, one might ask. I’ll explain. I’ve been really struggling with trusting the goodness of God in my life and with receiving love from God over the last 2-3 weeks. My life has been in this whirlwind of transition, change, and loss throughout the whole summer. As I have watched everyone around me seemingly “move forward” I have been in this place of feeling “stuck” and “at a loss for words” when it comes to my relationship with God and the people closest to me. I feel like I am being left behind and that in the process of being left behind I am losing control of every aspect of my life. Who needs control, right? I’m learning that I don’t want nor need control at all. But that is another story time for another day. What I am learning is how to be content with being loved by God. You see, I have really struggled with believing how outrageously I am loved by God because the circumstances in my life seemingly don’t reflect an outrageous love at all. So I’ve sat in this rut of being rejected by people, feeling like a 3rd wheel, and awkward turtle-ing it through the last 2 weeks…all because MY dumb, fleshly view of my circumstances doesn’t reflect what I think outrageous love looks like. Woe to my fickle heart. PRAISE GOD for the way he so gently speaks truth.
Back to yesterday, with the daisies. After chickfila I met with a friend and after that drove home…on the drive home I wept, because yesterday just didn’t go the way I had planned. I was emotionally done. I didn’t want to process anything, I didn’t want to talk about anything, I just wanted to sleep. As I complained to God on the way home, this was his response; “Since when did me being the pursuer of your heart stop being enough?” Immediately, I stopped complaining and realized that those daisies weren’t just extra daisies–they were a kind way for Jesus to steal another piece of my heart, for him to show me that even on the days that don’t go the way that I had planned them to go that he is still absolutely crazy about me. Daisies. God gave me daisies. He didn’t just give me a few…he gave me a TON! God sought me out and in my pouting showed me outrageous love. Yesterday I started learning that sometimes the kindest, most gracious thing God can do for us is to let our best laid plans fall apart. Even though that is hard to chew on…even though it hurts, I will trust God…He got me daisies for crying out loud. He gave his son for me….and then went to chickfila ahead of me and GAVE ME DAISIES. If that isn’t a radical pursuer…I don’t know what is! Man oh man. I’m choosing Jesus today. Even though its hard, even though it hurts…all because on a bad day, He loved me outrageously.