I have decided to follow Jesus.
I do not say that lightly.
I say it because, for the first time in my entire life, I actually have had to decide to follow Jesus.
In the midst of my life, in the midst of changing seasons, He is unable to be anything but himself.
It’s been a while since I’ve written. Currently, I’m wrapping up the hardest academic semester of my college career and bracing myself to be home and to finish grad school applications. It’s funny getting caught up in the midst of life..I have learned so much about being 100% present in my life and at the same time learning what it looks like to be completely dependent on Jesus. So you are about to get bombarded with one of the biggest life lessons I’ve learned–ever.
I graduate from college in May. All year I have been praying about what to do after graduation–do I go to Grad School or do I do a discipleship training school at my church in Waco? On top of choosing between the two of those, I may not even get accepted to grad school. Everything has been so up in the air and it feels like I have been sitting in the middle of a hurricane. It has been so good. As I have been not only trying to be fully present in day to day activities and relationships, I have had to be present in making sure to pray through the next big decisions in my life. In that process, Jesus spoke words to me that have forever changed me:
“Would you be satisfied everyday if you woke up with the
tangible presence of Jesus walking with you?
Would you be satisfied being broke?
Would you be satisfied living in another country?
Would you be satisfied going against social norms?
Would you be satisfied to burn at the stake?
Would you be satisfied to give up everything to follow me
if you had the One Thing you could not lose standing beside you?”
Honestly, I had to take a step back and think about that. That honest question came from months of praying this verse out of Psalm 17:15: “As for me, I will be vindicated and will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.” I’ve been praying for months to be satisfied with Jesus. To wake up in the morning, be with Jesus, and for the rest of the day be satisfied. Obviously thats been a struggle and will continue to be something I pray for until I am in heaven, BUT for the season I am entering–I can honestly say, that I am satisfied to follow Jesus, to cry with Jesus, to allow Jesus to lead me. I refuse to give up anything that God has called me to for the approval of man. I refuse to compromise walking in the fullness of Jesus to make my life make sense here on Earth.
As I came to the realization that my life was figured out long before I decided it needed to be figured out and that my satisfaction to follow Jesus was beginning to show itself, another realization came–God is unable to be anything but himself. I’ve hear that time and time again. But really. He is unable to be, do, say, see, feel, or act upon anything that is against His divine, perfect, Holy Holy Holy, character. Therefore, in taking up my cross to follow Him, he will continue to be faithful. He will continue to be a chain breaker. He will continue to save me. He will continue to reveal the fresh revelations of his holiness. And I get to partner with him. I get to walk with him and follow him. And I will get to see heaven on earth, simply because I am, whole heartedly, saying yes to Jesus.